Saturday, March 7, 2009

Saying Goodbye

I’ve put off writing about this because I felt the need to separate myself from the inevitable. But now with only 2 weeks remaining I thought I might as well bite the bullet and post yet another bare bones internal glimpse at my psyche. It is bizarre the amount of emotional upheaval I’ve experienced in the short time I’ve been blogging, or maybe my life has always been like this but I’ve never stopped to record the episodes and reflect. But now it is all here in print, posted in public view for all to read.

As many of you already know Scooter has landed a fantastic new job and is currently boxing up his life here in New York in exchange for a new one in Seattle. It is so hard to assign words to my feelings about this process so that I won’t sound obsessive, jealous, desperate and just basically crazy. My brain knows that I will be fine and we will always be best friends but as with most things my brain does not win any battles against my heart.

Scooter and I have been together for 18 years, not counting our 4 year “great separation”, and he may be the only person on this planet who truly knows everything about me and still loves me for it. We have a bond like family and he has always been my brother and my superhero. He’s seen me at my most vulnerable and knew just what to say (and not), he’s been the calming voice on the other end of a call when creatures have entered my apartment, he’s gone to battle for me when I’ve been wronged, and he’s been my cheerleader when I’ve felt useless. We do fight, lord do we fight, but no matter how frustrated I get Scooter has always been the one to bring us back together.

So now with my work life precariously on edge my emotional status is buffering another blow by my best friend leaving town, for good. Scooter and his wife have always spoken about moving to Seattle (she lived there prior to their engagement) and they both have wanted to make a real home in the Pacific North West, and I’m sure they will. However the next two weeks are gonna be just plan awful since I KNOW that Scooter has a ton of stuff to do and a ton of people he wants to see before he leaves town but….. ughhhh here I go getting way to close to “crazy”….

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