Friday, May 18, 2012

Still Remember Me?

Has it really been 8 months since I have blogged – WTF?  I knew my shrinking size would be the demise of my funny – DAMN YOU BODY!! So for all of you that need a refresher in the life of G here is your way overdue update:

Men – NONE. Cookie is getting married on Labor Day and I refuse to attend the shin dig without a date. My only requirements are; looks good in a suit and is very charming not only towards me but to all other guests seated at our table. EXTRA bonus if he can dance, but that is not a deal breaker. He can use that time off the dance floor to ogle me and patiently await my return with a fresh G&T in hand. Because of this looming event on my manless horizon Cookie instructed me to re-up my paid membership and start chumming the waters. For the past 3 months I did just that – I wrote and responded and even went on some very awful dates with filthy socially awkward clueless men. I did however have ONE – no TWO lovely dates…. but we never made it to three. But I had my FIRST 2nd date EVER! Yes friends, this 41 year old women has finally popped her 2nd date cherry, sure took long enough. Anyways the 3 month subscription expired last week and I’m not sure if I am up for it again. It is emotionally challenging and gut wrenching, especially when I sent out over 130 emails and NEVER received a response. The only men I met where ones who contacted me first – beggars can’t be choosers.

Here is a good one:

Health – My Thyroid is doing its thing (thanks to meds) and my year end physical was stellar! My GP is astounded by my weight loss; she said she has never seen anything like it. In the year since I’ve been medicated I’ve dropped 49 lbs. with NO change in lifestyle. If you add that to the amount I lost while in grad school from the overproduction of stress hormone I’m at  - 69lbs. My body is still morphing and it is difficult at times to see my reflection in the mirror and accept this alien person as “ME”.
In addition because of the drop in weight my once TIGHT skin is now saggy and wrinkly. My legs, arms and middle look like I’ve been soaking in the tub too long, so….. yeah…. I am dreading the summer. The winter was fine, in clothes everything looks good, but now I am terrified and embarrassed and a bit grossed out by my body. THANKS NATURE for continuing to screw with my head. ALSO with less fat on my legs my veins became very pronounced so for the past 3 months I’ve been undergoing vascular surgery to make me less blue and more pink. Oh and just for fun I hadTWO cancer scares in the fall – oh boy.

Work – What once was a den of solitude and joyful bliss shared with two brilliant co-workers is now a prison cell overflowing with ineptitude and stupidity.

LONDON 2012! – ahh the shining light in my life, the London Olympics. Thank goodness for the Royals, the spirit of community and humanity and for my old British mate who is loaning my mother and me his London flat for a week. Our event tickets are ordered (we added diving and beach volleyball to our already amazing score of Opening Ceremonies), rain pants and slickers purchased, flights booked and to top it all off I have arranged for a tour of the Downton Abbey Castle! Oh London 2012 how you get me through these trying times.