Monday, June 27, 2011

Can’t Get Anything Past Me

Don’t ask don’t tell don’t got nothing on, “If I don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist”, however people who adopt this behavior must be constantly bitch slapped by um… I don’t know...REALITY! Yeah cause the power of positive thinking or “negation thinking” will unfortunately not magically repair my broken toilet. - Backing up.

Last Wednesday I was scheduled for new windows, thank god. Tuesday night as I stripped my window dressings, removed hanging photos, rolled up rug
s, and moved 4 rooms of furniture to accommodate my early morning work crew I bid a fond farewell to the arctic blasts of winter, the guillotine action of the falling window sashes of summer, and good riddance to the missing screens and uninvited surprise wildlife visits.
Wednesday morning I awoke early to do a last sweep of the apartment, readying all five windows for their removal, then sat patiently in what I can only describe as an apartment in complete disarray. I waited…and waited. For hours I listened to the workmen next door; I thought that was good sign but good lord I was getting antsy. As time passed from Noon to One then onto Two I was quickly losing all faith in this crew. At 2:45pm I could wait no longer so I popped over to my neighbor’s abode to question the workmen about my appointment. The foreman (AKA the guy who spoke English), looked at me all pissed off and said “This job is TOO big for only two men, there is NO WAY that I can do your windows today!”

Did he just explode on ME!? F-U you idiot! But what I did say was, “I took off work today for the window installation. You could have told me at 9am when you arrived and saw the job that you couldn’t do my apartment today that way I could have gone to work”. He looked confused at this line of reasoning, stormed past me and entered my apartment. He circled through the rooms mumbling that he didn’t have enough men and that carrying windows up and down 4 flights of stairs was hard… blah… blah… blah…. Then he said he would do it… but wasn’t sure … complained that my air conditioners were still in the windows (really? Cause I should be sitting here for 8 hours in the heat?) then he stood in the middle of my living room and pretended (?) to make some phone calls…. then walked out. It was all very confusing.

I called the super, he was PISSED that this guy even spoke to me and
doubly pissed that the whole schedule for the building was going down the drain on the first day of install. I told the super that I had no clue what was going on since the foreman never actually said whether or not I should keep waiting or go to work or stay home the next day… nothing. This was my first encounter with the foreman’s “If I don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist”, Modus operandi, unfortunately it would not be the last.

Fast forward to this morning and the actual window install. All was going well, or so I thought. They were noisy and messy but whatever, I own a broom and dustpan, it’s a trade off for new windows. The guys flew through the installation and were out by 11:30am – yahoo! They thanked me, I thanked them, I locked the door behind them and as I passed my bathroom I thought hmmmm, lid up on the toilet that’s odd? As I moved closer I noticed a handful of screws IN the toilet – WTF guys REALLY??? Why lift the lid on the toilet and dump screws into the bowl, ughhhhh. So I rolled up my sleeve and fished them out, closed the lid and OH GOOD LORD the back of my toilet was shattered. Welcome to day two of “If I don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist”. Did they think that I wouldn’t notice that they used my commode as a step ladder with that HUGE gray boot print on the lid and the missing porcelain off the rear right corner? Are people like this so delusional to think that NOBODY will notice their stupid crap? What was the thought process… ohhh man I broke the toilet… I should ummm… oh yeh lift the lid to hide it, I’m brilliant. And why do I feel this is the same ridiculous behavior that drives these male celebrities/ politicians to practice uber risky cheating behavior, btw I have NO problem with them cheating, just man up, own it, and stop with the denial.

So now I am without any “facilities” for I discovered to my very damp dismay that the missing corner was not merely cosmetic, as I originally assumed, for when I
flushed…. weeeee indoor water feature! Fingers (and legs) crossed that my replacement toilet will magically appear within a few days, otherwise…. ummmm…. not too sure on the otherwise.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Get It Together Body!

Nice going body, after I heaped on the accolades last week you up and revolt, great. Yep my blood work came back to reveal, to my doctor’s dismay, that my thyroid is kickin’ the synthoid’s booty. My hormones are so out of wack (again) that my Doctor called to ask, “Are you still TAKING the synthroid?” COME ON, really? Doc thinks that maybe I got a bad batch of meds (that’s frightening) and/ or I need to up my dosage. Looks like my fat ass is all pissed off that my thyroid is burning off all the juicy-ness that it worked so hard to store. Ass… thyroid… can’t you two just get along?

While I had Doc on the line I took the opportunity to share the news of my weight loss to which she responded “Really?” Odd response I thought from a doctor who in January said, “I’m not worried about your weight but I would like to see you lose 10 or 20 pounds.” So now I’m on a new dosage and scheduled to actually SEE my doctor in a month, I guess to prove to her that my thyroid is actually responding to the medication by burning up my brick store house.

I’ve also noticed that body is going though what I can only call “shrinking pains”, thanks again body. Over the weekend
my Mom said, “Wow you must feel SO great now that you lost all that weight!” When actually I feel the same or sometimes worse. You see I never FELT fat, I guess some people do, I never did (do). I have always been strong, not fast but strong. I’ve never had a problem on my 4 flights of stairs lugging up everything from my 10 bags of groceries, to my bulging 75lb. suitcase, from my 55lb. dishwasher to my tall wooden dresser. Even when I was 45 lbs. heavier I never had a problem on the subway stairs or walking for hours around the city. I never had the feeling that I was encumbered, nothing hurt, nothing was sore, I wasn’t short of breath or drenched in perspiration. All those stereotypical “fat person” ailments didn’t exist for me. But now that I’m lighter my legs are KILLING ME. No really I feel like an old lady, it’s pathetic.

On Tuesday I asked Dr. Pico to give my knees a poke and he was all “WOAH, your knee caps!” He feels that my knee caps are engaged in a tug of war of death with my leg muscles but with some frequent focused stretches I may be able to release my knees from the fiery fist of my thighs. And again – BODY GET IT TOGETHER – come on!

In my non-medical expertise I blame this knee cap cage match on the proliferation of “squats” that have permeated my week. Why is EVERY trainer coo-coo for squats? I got pulsing squats, slow squats, sumo squats, squats with lunges, squats with weights, you name it… they got a squat for it. And you know what else they got, they got a sadistic streak cause just when my body is on the razor’s edge of complete collapse they yell “GET LOWER” – screw you squat.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

A Quickie

Just a little check in and update:

I am finally owning this newly revved up thyroid as well as my new
body. As of this morning I have dropped over 10% of my body weight…hold it… what?! Yep the good old thyroid is chugging along after 40 years of deep slumber – way to go thyroid!

The YMCA is killing me softly with their change in schedule. The Y-guys
have tested my fortitude by changing ALL three of my weekly classes, however they do not know the power of Swason’s motivational afternoon texts or the incentive put forth by the promise of one of her “winners only” home cooked meals – losers stay at home.

Talking about winners - this will only be news to persons who spend less than than 4 minutes with me - we WON the Olympic ticket raffle!!! Yep we won the lottery to purchase Opening
Ceremonies tickets to London 2012. This was a huge win thanks to the all loving Zeus and Athena, for only .13% of ticket buyers were granted the opportunity to plop down a few thousand bucks to attend the ceremonies and Mom and I are now part of that .13% - USA USA USA (Hail Britannia as well). Next up 13 months of pre Olympic blog postings.

And since we are on topic of winners and the YMCA I would like to publicly report that I DO NO
T punk out during my most hated work out, Boot Camp. I may be in the lower portion of ‘fit level’ but I do everything (even if modified) and remain jogging ON THE TRACK even when my feet are mysteriously turned to cement blocks encased in lead while other THIN people sneak back into the workout room through the back door. Yeah you people are PUNKS and losers; they would never get dinner at Swason’s Astoria Roof Top CafĂ©. WINNING!!!!