Friday, July 24, 2009
Double Fisting the Dating Scene (maybe I need to re-word that)
So here I am 1.5 weeks into my eHarmony experience, a little weary from structuring endless witty responses to dreary questions BUT I have a date. Yes, David from the Upper East Side (Jew, maybe?) is taking me out on Monday night for an actual face to face interaction. He seems pleasant, kinda gets my humor, maybe a bit reserved (but that’s OK) and appears to be engaged and attentive (both very good traits). So we’ll see how this goes, if nothing else I will at least score a free Tom Collins and get to wear my new gladiator inspired strappy wedge sandals.
In addition to my good luck with EHarmony I finally received a cleaver Match.com email. Short but witty (the email, not the guy) however it’s still too early to tell if this will go someplace or just fizzle out. Stay tuned.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Cocktails, Balls, and A Boy At A Urinal
Tuesday was Bastille Day and in celebration Jesus and I went to Barolo for an Italian dinner. Upon entering we were faced with a rowdy group of red faced French men (ooh la la) playing petanque in the restaurant’s roomy back garden. As fate would have it just hours before dinner the co-workers and I were researching petanque and agreed, after looking at the official FPUSA (Federation of Petanque USA) website, I would probably have better chances of scoring a date if I joined an officially sanctioned NYC petanque team than if I stay on Match.com. The pictures show hardy teams of grinning floppy haired Frenchmen enjoying big French Provincial meals and several bottles of red wine – and why am I not playing petanque? Oh and for a mere $20 registration fee I can obtain my official USA petanque credentials so I could compete in the national tournaments. Vivre la France!
On Sunday after my lazy day in the hammock I took a detour over to PS 1 since I was in desperate need of a bathroom. I hightailed it past their summertime environment installation
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Discovering your own backyard
Friday night began with a few bottles of wine atop Swason’s Astoria abode. Yes I did call Astoria my home years back however I never sat on my roof and drank wine on a cool summer’s night – I lived in a basement. This act of semi-illegal behavior, though very lovely, was not conducted in order to satisfy my stated goal of a journey of discovery it was simply a nice way to kick off my weekend – and finally prove to Swason that I could drink like the Irish stock from whence I have sprung.
Day 2 of my quest – not so much discovery but I took a journey. LIRR out to Long Beach to put some quality time into my tan – mission accomplished!
Day 3 –Sunday morning, a bright yellow sun and sparkling blue sky beckoned to me as I began to weigh my options for the day’s J of D (that’s journey of discovery). I was torn between two unknown mistresses luring me out into the wiles of the sweeping city; Gantry Park in Long Island City or the grand opening of The High Line in Manhattan. After quickly completing my cerebral list of pros and cons Gantry Park won hands down – mostly because I assumed it would be less likely overrun with hot smelly crowds and avoiding malodorous masses is my main goal for any excursion.
Hopped onto my ol’ 7 train with my wearever chair strapped to my back filled with my survival gear (water, book, grapes, etc…) and 6 minutes later I was exiting at Vernon Boulevard in the middle of nowhere. Yes there really is a reason that for 12 years I have never seen anybody enter or exit the 7 train at the Vernon Boulevard station. Once above ground, using the sun as my guide, I navigated westward past the abandoned one story cinderblock warehouses to the high-rise luxury condos perched on the edge of the East River. The river, just steps away, lapped at the organically manicured man made shoreline bursting with wild pink roses and swaying sea grasses. I had made it – it was GANTRY PARK!
The park consists of piers, winding shady pathways, a riverside board walk equipped with lounging chairs, a rolly polly green space that beckons to be enjoyed by bare feet, a round seating area that is magically misted from below by fine sprays of water and a small row of bright orange hammocks. I thankfully scored the hammock with the best unobstructed view of both the Empire State Building and the U.N. (FYI delegates – your building needs a good power wash). True the bright orange strapping of the hammocks, though comfortable, was a bit reminiscent of those cargo nets one finds on the docks in Newark so I never quite relaxed into a deep rest for I was concerned that a barge with a large crane might take advantage of the situation and use me as ballast for a training drill.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Like Bees To Honey
Now for your reading pleasure I submit to you the ONLY match.com emails I received over the past 4 days:
I just want someone who we can both make each other laugh (I’m not sure but I think this guy is looking for us to get together then find a third person, preferably a clown, to entertain us both.)
i'm not jealous, just want to find someone who has the same values and who wants to be treat the way she deserves to be treated. Love spending time together cuddling and kissing. waiting on her is something i think is important to make her feel like she should always be treated for fun: spending quality time with woman who enjoys being treated like a queen
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Two Birds One Stone
Fast forward to summer 2009 and once again it is time to re-install my units but this time I thought I would do the very smart thing and post on my facebook – for all 154 friends to see – my need for help. Not only did I post that I needed help I even offered up a pint and a cheeseburger from Donovan’s (voted NYC’s best burger by TONY) and guess what, the ONLY person who responded was Q in NC promising that if she was in NYC she would lend a hand. Really, really? WTF!? It would even be cool if Scooter offered to do it when he visits at the end of the month however he and Galleta’s have decided not to respond to voice mails or emails. Yep I just called both of you out in the blog – but I have no worries of any repercussions since Galleta is MIA and Scooter recently informed me that he’s just too busy to return calls, reply to emails or read the blog anymore.
While bemoaning my fate to an old friend (name withheld) she suggested a very creative solution to both my needs (#1 and #2). She recommended that I post an add on craigslist.com offering a buffet of torrid services in return for AC installation. At first I shrugged off this strategy however as the temperature rises and Match.com has been unable to locate at least one “mutual match” out of their 16 million subscribers, this raunchy plan is shockingly gaining my approval.
In closing please share in the horror of the only email I received yesterday from Match.com. While you are reading this please picture a fat balding 55 year old man in a Hawaiian shirt, gold chains, faded tight jeans, white socks, and cream colored pointed-toe shoe-boots lounging in a leather office chair with one hand on his crotch and the other holding a telephone receiver to his ear.
you will fall in love
HI MY NAME IS (removed) WOULD LIKE TO MEET FOR DRINKS THISN WEEK I LIVE AN WORK IN THE CITY, 917*399-(removed) CALL U WILL HAVE FUN,,
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Gone Fishing
hello, i'm not into describing myself since every time i sit in front of this box, i loose all the words, but i'm very open minded and easy going person that like to have fun and live his life happy and quiet.
I’m intrigued by this mysterious ‘word swiping box’ that the author alludes to in his email and I wonder - if this lexiconian Bermuda triangle is so offensive then why doesn’t the wordless Romeo just change his location when writing? Oh well I guess I will just have to live with the mystery because I already deleted this easy going guy who doesn’t like to conjugate verbs.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Back in the Mix
On Match, like most web dating sites, you have to log in and search profiles frequently or else your profile gets pushed to the bottom of the pile, the more time spent searching the better your chances are at getting found, especially since it is about a 2:1 ratio of woman to men in my age group and geographic location. Please note this ratio includes all the married guys who are lying about their status, the 5’5” guys who state that they are 5’9”, the guys who post a full add but never pay for a subscription just so they can feed their ego, and the Nigerians. Then there is the self marketing side of the equation and since “it takes a village” I am posting my actual add here in hopes that you will weigh in with your edits and or comments:
I'm a smarty pants artistic chick who’s sensitive and sappy when I am not bitingly witty. I have a quick tongue, a great sense of humor, and I will keep you on your toes. I'm gregarious and goofy with an affinity for alliteration. What I lack in interest for essay questions I make up 10 fold in entertainment value. I can spit out a story in seconds that will send milk shooting from your nose or rival any barrel of monkeys.
My Date: You would posses the 3 C’s, charisma, charm, and confidence. Any dude with the phrases “Laid Back” or “Easy Going” may not be the guy for me. I tend to head for the guys who are actively engaged, energetically enthusiastic, dynamically intrigued, connected, inspired, and curious.
I will keep you updated on my progress and if we all think happy thoughts within 90 days I will have at least one date that will produce more than just a humorous blog posting.