Monday, October 21, 2013

I Got The Power

Since last post I’ve enjoyed two Appalachian Mountain Club outings (it should have been 3, but I’ll get to that), I bought a bike and I got back into the game with TWO online dates.

My AMC weekend at Fire Island was joyful, inspiring and just a good old kick ass time with a bunch of people who DO stuff. There were a dozen adventurers however these people were SO active I felt like a lazy nub in a swamp, good thing I at least had my recent 10k victory to add to the accomplishments pile cause otherwise I would have been low lady on the amazing persons totem pole. By the end of the weekend I gained a few more friends, was not presented with ONE summons for the various and innumerable misdemeanors I committed and I also had some bad ass raw inner thumbs from killing it like an Olympic rower in the kayak.

Next up was my first AMC hike in Harriman, it was a gloomy gray day but warm so I pulled on my hiking skirt, deet-ed up and headed on out with great expectations of meeting another set of powerful happy people. Well let’s just say THIS group of AMCers were a little too over confident in their athletic abilities to handle a such a hike and MUCH too underprepared to remain jolly – oh well they all can’t be winners. BUT I did get to flirt with the burly bartender/ outdoorsman group leader for 6 hours and I made a new outdoorsy friend who, like me, is an overachieving newbee wanna do everything action girl.

After the hike I contacted both Mr. Leader and Action Girl, guess which one wanted to see more of me? Yeah, Mr. Leader… not so much. Anyways Action Girl invited me on a 25 mile bike ride along the Old Croton Aqueduct on Oct. 27th to which I instinctively typed “YES I will do that!” then immediately bought a bike, bike tights, gloves, helmet, jacket, etc… and started riding. Those of you who KNOW me know that all I need is the suggestion of an action for me to get on board and DO it. One of my other AMC palls responded to my admission of being susceptible to gentle suggestion with, “I’ll invite you on a horseback riding and homemade whiskey hike, you'll need a horse, waspy gear and a peat bog!” Damn my kitchen is gonna be tight with my bike AND a pony.

The two internet dates/ meetings were not even worth my lip gloss application. Both men fell head over heels in LUST for me the moment my gams crossed the room. One thought it best to lead with talk of his penis girth while the other just threw caution to the wind and thrust his hand up my skirt and into my crotch. His explanation, he likes to “live in the moment” oh and I was so hot he couldn’t help himself. Now that’s a way to romance a lady. Penis Girth really sealed the deal when he took a call from his mother while I was in the WC so when I returned I was present for his profanity filled regret to his Mother’s invitation to Thanksgiving dinner. I love a man who screams at his mother at a bar – HOT! After hanging up he paused and asked, “So I guess my chances of making out with you right now are kinda low, right?”

There is hope on the horizon, as there always is in my Pollyanna sunshine filled optimistic world, Melba has a cute co-worker buddy (black hair/ blue eyes… yummmm) that she is trying to convince to call me – unfortunately my Facebook awesomeness has less than inspired him to reach out. I gotta start posting photos of me enjoying a chocolate shake and cheeseburger on my couch… not so daunting. AND one of my Mom’s yenta friends has given my number to a local newly divorced friend of the family in hopes that she scores a match, she has done this before with no result, but maybe this time……

Back to my not a hike yesterday. After gearing up and arriving at Port Authority 45 minutes before
my scheduled bus departure I somehow never boarded a bus. Yep me and a troupe of 3 others waited and waited and then waited some more for the 8:15am to Nyack but it never showed. Of course Adventure Girl was waiting for me in Nyack but even after I explained that NOBODY got on the bus I think she assumed I was a numb nut and began to second guess our burgeoning friendship. Proof of my ding-a-ling status, last night she sent me an email with detailed instructions regarding how to access Grand Central Terminal along with the train schedule and an offer to help in any way she can if I have trouble with navigating the train system. GOOD LORD how did I mess this up? I AM THE TRANSIT QUEEN! Damn I am gonna have to be a super star on Sunday. Maybe I should bake cookies?