Just Keep Moving

Whenever I find myself stressing out I know I must keep moving forward otherwise the gravity of the events will undoubtedly crush me. It’s not easy nor does it come naturally but it’s a process that I must authentically engage in with positive power and enthusiasm so when I slip back (and I do) my backwards slide does not carry me too far. My momentum currently is rather strong and this frightens me. I can not be wooed by the temp job and the promise of two full time job interviews because I know nothing is certain. I am taking it all with a grain of salt with optimistic rose colored glasses securely gaff taped to my face to ward off the every gray cloud of self doubt and paralyzing pessimism.

My temp gig is not as fun as expected. I’m basically creating a master list of movies from mounds of data. The people are cool, the guys are cute, and I can see the Statue of Liberty from my desk – these are all good things. Now for the odd things:

· They do not stock ANY drinking vessels, disposable or washable. I found it impossible to utilize the water coolers or the coffee carafes. I did ask a woman in the kitchen if there were any cups in the joint and she pointed to a mug in the sink that was emblazoned with brown rings of coffee stains and pink lipstick encrusted on the rim. I declined the generous offer.

· My desk felt like the tables at Friendly’s – sticky. The whole thing was sticky. It was even sticky UNDER the keyboard. My monitor looked as if somebody smeared it with a stick of butter and my keyboard appeared to be on the loosing end of a street fight with a dustbuster. I asked around for some cleaning supplies and was greeted with questioning looks and blank stares. I think I am now “that germ freak temp".

Tomorrow I have an interview for a Personal Assistant job which I would LOVE to get. I’ve always known I would make a fantastic PA and this gig sounds like it would be perfect. In addition Scooter gave me a heads up on an Office Manager position and now that company wants to phone interview me. Oh AND I wore my newly (self) repaired boots all day and my heal remained intact!

Crap heap of Crap

Things got worse at Hydra very quickly and long story short I spent my Wednesday at home today emailing my resume and making plans for my temp gig tomorrow. I am back on the skids again. No job and no health benefits (goodbye Dr. Pico). Fortunately being laid off from an employment firm does have its perks, I am now candidate numero uno and the recruiters have been rather attentive. However I am not fooling myself, I know how easy it is for them to move on and forget about me (they have a very short attention span) so I am spreading out my eggs in several baskets and I am definitely not counting my unhatched fowl.

The upside to my unemployment status is of course the abundance of bloggery that will ensue. I am scheduled to start a new temp gig tomorrow which I think will consist of watching TV and writing brief descriptions of the programming. The pay is awfully low but I’m watching TV right now on my couch while writing this and nobody is paying me anything….so I guess any increase in income no mater how nominal would surpass my current condition.

I also applied for a part time Off Broadway BlogMaster position. The job entails attending Off Broadway productions (on the company’s dime) and blogging about them. What could be better than that? Well maybe watching TV and writing blurbs…hmmm that sounds familiar.

In other updates since I was home today and feeling proactive I took Scooter’s advice and attempted to repair my broken boot heal (see past blog below). After reading my blog last week Scooter reamed me for passively acquiescing to the tragic fate of my Italian footwear by not even TRYING to practice home cobbling. He continued to express his disappointment by demanding that I not forget my expert theatrical props skills and asserted that not only did I possess the tools to fix my heal but I also had the proficiency. I will keep you updated on the outcome of my craftywork after I take my boot for a test drive down my four flights of stairs.

Lastly I should mention that being laid off on Pancake Day was truly one of the most heartless actions ever employed by an employer. Couldn’t they wait until after the holiday? Good thing I don’t have kids, they would have been devastated. I will always remember Pancake Day 2009 as the day Hydra’s NYC head was severed. HYDRA!!!! (that one is for you Scooter).


Nanner-puss loves pancakes

Broke

The tourniquet I tied so tightly around my gushing aorta of fiscal decline has begun to loosen thus leading me once again towards the dire straits of financial ruin. Yep Hydra has informed me that I am the next victim of the tanking economy by awarding me with a 20% reduction of salary. Gulp! I just can’t seem to catch a break…ever. I was finally making enough money to pay my bills and have some fun cash left over for – oh I don’t know- savings, and then I get clobbered with this news. Sure it is better than the alternative of being laid off (I am thanking my lucky stars for that) but damn it when will I be able to start living my life as a 38 year old and not a broke ass college kid!!??? Of course this news brings back all the emotions that I had tried to suppress from my non-teaching career move and even now typing this makes my eyes swell up. Exhale….

To counter act this mighty blow to my back account I immediately canceled my Netflix account and the auto refill on my Gold Starbucks card (that one hurts). As you all know I do not have cable so I can’t cut back there and since graduating last June I’ve been “borrowing” my internet connection from Apt.41. By the way if you are reading this Apt.41, please do not turn off your wireless router when you leave for long weekends, it really disrupts my Facebooking. I am going to turn off my BlackBerry data plan (that is worse than the Starbucks cutback) and I am committed to only eating PB&J’s for lunch. Even with all of these sacrifices I am still a LONG way away from my $1000.00 a month reduction. Sigh….

Broken

My sudden change in financial status has weighed heavily on my mind since receiving the fateful news late Wednesday night - so much so that my mind is awash with thoughts of budgets and figures. Last night while walking home from the subway my mind was so occupied with budget cutting scenarios and alternative means of income that I did not notice the large hole in the middle of the crosswalk and advanced directly into its destructive path. My right foot was immediately swallowed by the cavernous asphalt dimple while my ankle took an awful turn to the outside. I however did not tumble but remained upright with only a lingering TWANG of a slightly sprained extremity- whew. However as I walked up Queens Boulevard I was surprised at my sudden limp for it was not on my right injured foot but on my left – odd. I continued to hobble along for another 20 feet with my left foot falling out from under me until I finally stopped to assess my condition. With a furrowed brow I raised my left foot; flexed it, twisted it, and shook it all around. All appeared well however when I replaced my foot back onto the sidewalk I was surprised at the sudden lack of..ummmm…elevation. What the? On CLOSER inspection I discovered that the pothole not only wrenched my right ankle but had also wrecked havoc on my left boot by severing the 2” heel from the sole. Arggggg. Back I clopped to the scene of the offence to retrieve my heel from the intersection. I proceeded to walk the remaining 2 blocks balanced on my left foot tippy toes as the parishioners from the Islamic Institute of NY and the International Church of Jesus Christ looked on in puzzlement.

This is not a posting

Work is a bit wacky this week so unfortunately I will not be blogging. However here is quickie update:



Match.com sucks, I have already lost interest in the hunt. Well I actually lost interest last week, that didn’t take long.

Hyrda is so not fun. The drones are sucking the life force from me and my usual cheery demeanor is turning sour, very sour.

On a happy note the bell situation at Hydra has been resolved. All it took was a flathead screwdriver and a wire clipper. Yep I am now a petty vandal.

My digital convertors were delivered and installed. Now not only do I receive local major networks I also have an additional seven channels of Spanish programming and what can only be described as a 24 hour bobsledding station.

I bought a new hairbrush for $25 and yes it is magical.

I took the Hampton Jitney out to Sag Harbor last Friday and even though I’ve been Jitney-ing for 12 years I am still amazed at the lack of civility encountered along my 2.5 hour journey. Last week I sat several rows behind two overgrown 40 something frat boys (avec backwards baseball caps) along with their three blond Barbie companions. All of them obviously sloshed from pre-partying at a local watering hole and acting like a pack of 16 year olds after their first wine cooler. Here is a portion of the (one sided) conversation that was forced upon me as I tried to zen out the Tools:
Dude 1: (directed to his 3 friends) Do you have Skipper?
Them: silence
Dude 1: Do you have Skipper?
Them: silence
Dude 1: Skipper.
Dude 1: Do you like Skipper?
Dude 1: You guys have Skipper?
Dude 1: Skipper is awesome.
Dude 1: You gotta do Skipper.
(I think he meant Twitter - frekin' tool)
The stupidity continued as we traveled the length of the Midtown Tunnel:
Dude 2: (addressing Dude 1) Don’t you read anything?
Barbie 1: The only thing I have ever seen him read is a menu.

Since this anti-blog was so lame I thought you could use this picture above to imagine that your monitor is filled with water and fish. At least you'll get some use out of this not-a -posting.

Flowers and Candy

Tomorrow is St. Valentine’s Day and unlike the single female 30 somethings that are portrayed on film and TV as mean pathetic cranky bitch ass haters of all things romantic and heart shaped – I LOVE Valentine’s Day. Sure I don’t have a Valentine, but that’s Ok. In the middle of the cold gray winter I always enjoy basking in the glow of store windows festooned in pink and red sparkley things while bunches of cut flowers burst from every corner bodega and even though I am not a huge sweets fan I do not mind partaking in a festive candy heart. I even have a tattoo of a chubby cherub on my left boob – so how could I NOT be a fan!?

Not having a Valentine is less stressful than having a Valentine, sort of like NOT celebrating Xmas. I can enjoy all the fun fluffy stuff without the burden of trying to satisfy some huge commercial consumer created expectation. My Mom will get me a card and we’ll eat pink sprinkled cupcakes under the red cardboard hearts suspended from her dining room ceiling. I can always count on dear Mumsy to come through on VD, it’s a constant. In past years I collected remembrances of the day from Mac and Scooter (a Valentine’s Day card and E-card respectively) and Galleta bought me candy. Well he actually bought candy for the whole office but I like to think of it as my candy that I generously shared with the staff. Additionaly I have a vague Valentine memory of receiving a single rose sometime in the mid 90’s that had been purchased at a Suffolk County gas station while driving around aimlessly in a car full of boys (2/3 of them now gay). So you can see that I am very thankful for all of my Valentine’s Day tokens and appreciate even the smallest of gestures.

**NOTE**

When the day comes, and it will, for a REAL Valentine to enter my life he BETTER BRING IT..and bring it HARD! Good lord I’ve been patient and really sweet about this whole thing but god help the man who doesn’t go big on my Valentine’s Day! I want all the goobery lovey gunk with flowers and odes written in my honor, jewelry, champagne, and fancy unmentionables.

I’m Flippin’ for Pancake Day!

First off shame on all you Brits, Aussies, and other self proclaimed Anglophiles for not telling me about Pancake Day (aka Pancake Tuesday, aka Shrove Tuesday). Yes friends it is true, you heard correctly, there is a holiday solely reserved for the celebration of Pancakes and it is on Feb. 24th. Well it’s not really a holiday to celebrate pancakes, that’s like saying Christmas is a holiday to celebrate giving gifts (that is ridiculous). Pancake Tuesday is a holiday that is marked by the traditional making, flipping, eating, and racing with pancakes in commemoration of the day before Ash Wednesday (the beginning of Lent).

From my research I have discovered that Pancake Day was very popular before the American Revolution when all things Anglo were the craze here in the colonies. However with the influx of French Catholic Immigrants (damn you immigrants and your Louisiana Purchase) the poor pancake was replaced by Mardi Gras. Crazy cause who would ever choose tits over a sweet griddle cake? The French, that’s who oh and those Latins with their Carnival. Prancing around in their sparkly body pant, feathers and pasties, freakin’ pancake haters.

As a Jew I tend not to participate in holly days that are sanctioned by The C of E however I have adopted such secularized Christian traditions as Halloween, St. Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day – so I think Adoni would be Ok if I was to add Pancake Tuesday into the mix. Good Lord is it a sin to like a pancake? And by actively celebrating this holiday I think I’ll gain points with my Christian fiancé, Galleta, who believes that for us to enter a blessed union I need to accept Jesus into my heart (I’m really hoping that he’s going to grow out of this whole Catholic thing by the time he’s 30)

If you find yourself as JAZZED as I regarding this newly discovered holiday here are a few suggestions to get into the spirit:
Enjoy a FREE Pancake – In celebration of Pancake Tuesday IHOP is offering a free short stack of griddle cakes all day on Feb. 24th. http://www.ihoppancakeday.com/

Make a Pancake - The traditional pancake is slightly thicker than a French crêpe. It is served immediately after preparation with a sprinkling of caster sugar and a dash of fresh lemon juice or with syrup.

Race with a Pancake - Participants race on a predetermined course while flipping their pancakes in a supplied regulation skillet.

Tell your future in a Pancake- Bake household items into your pancakes and serve them to family members. Rings, thimbles, thread, coins, and other objects all have meanings associated with them. The lucky one to find coins in their pancake will be rich, the finder of the ring will be the first married, and the finder of the thimble will be a seamstress or tailor.

Be a Pancake Gangster – In Brittan school children in disguise break into homes and demand pancakes. They can also be found fighting for pancakes for monetary rewards and throwing old crockery at peoples' doors while asking for pancakes to be tossed back in return.