Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Under the Cone of Silence

I wish I could share with you all the co-op application/ house-buying insanity that has infiltrated my life however since I have about a half dozen agencies searching my background with a lice comb (NO co-op board I do not have lice or bed bugs or any parasites I’m just funny… ya see funny. But quiet and boring. Ok not funny at all and very unentertaining. Actually I never entertain; I mean who comes to Queens anyways. Well except for me and all of you board members cyber stalking me because Queens ROCKS! I love Queens.. oh PLEASE let me live here.…. Ughhhh). 

The home buying process has dampened my summertime fun jam but I know there will be another summer in 8 months and if all goes to plan I will be rocking (yet again, very quietly.. I don’t rock loudly or inconsiderately) my new apartment building’s swimming pool and BBQ deck like a regular property share holder.

Because of my crazy I have removed myself from the general populace for the past several months cause really – nobody wants any of this. However I did spend a few weekends out East at Chez Mom where we dined and drank copious amounts of wine (in a very demure Hampton setting – NOT that kind of Kardashian Hamptons, more like old lady  I volunteer at the community food pantry Hamptons – crap I am never passing this board application). Talking about wine, my sometimes squatter/ fun time pall Friday (ok co-op board.. I get it… never mind… just feed my application into the shredder) has not only secured a full time gig but also got himself a swank SoHo apartment (MOTHER F-er!) after only 2 days of house hunting – I think I used that MOTHER F-er! too early in the sentence, it would have worked better here - and as par for the course he is already pulling away. Well it was a nice 11 months and thank you for NOT breaking up with me in August cause ya know… that’s what guys I date do (did).

Hopefully my next update will not include a tale about how on October 31st I moved my belongings into storage after losing my huge rent controlled apartment and was living a very cozy life in a furnished room with 4 female FIT undergrads in Crown Heights.

In closing please see all these happy rainbows because if you accept me as your neighbor and fellow share holder I will fart sunshine. 

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