Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I Don’t Miss What I Don’t Have

It’s been a full week since The Invisible Man vanished and oddly I’m doing super without the 24/7 ridiculousness. Well maybe not so ‘odd’ since I’m sure anybody with a clearer head than I could have predicted as such

 The Invisible Man and I had adopted a communication style that was sometimes supportive and endearing but mostly it was obsessive and all consuming. My weekday mornings were tightly scheduled around our ‘check ins’ while my work days were filled with a constant struggle between doing ACTUAL work and engaging in some all-encompassing  text exchange. Evenings were never truly mine, I was ‘on call’ mostly with either my iPhone or my laptop at the ready so I could continue whatever silliness was begun earlier in the day within minutes of the The Invisible Man “dinging” my messenger with a “YO!”.

Last Monday I tucked myself into bed fully aware that Tuesday morning would come and go without a “ding’ or a “ring”. I told myself that it’s the new normal and that I would just have to ride out the silence as the minutes slowly ticked away, quietly dealing with the title wave of emotions that would surely flow. Well Tuesday morning came and went and shockingly it wasn’t until I was seated comfortably on the 7 train that I realized – HEY I made it through my morning and didn’t even NOTICE the lack of….. everything!  Not only didn’t I notice BUT I woke up 30 minutes later, got out of the house 10 minutes earlier and for the FIRST time in MONTHS I blew my hair out straight!  It’s like my TIME is all rushing back to me, it’s really rather wonderful and freeing.

To continue with the reclamation of my personal time I did my nails last night while watching a Netflix start to finish with NO interruptions or the worry that I would only get half a hand completed before “DING”. Sure our communication habits were a two way street and there was something about our constant virtual connection that filled a hole inside of me but it was oppressive and overbearing and many times I felt suffocated by the weight of being the entertainment monkey – Dance Monkey DANCE – trying to make up for whatever real world ills were thrust upon Mr. Invisible. Now I come home from the gym and all is quiet, all the time is my time, no muss – no fuss, and I’m feeling like I’ve rediscovered my old life again.

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