Coo Coo Bananas

I like many other urban dwellers have a visceral hatred for the Columba palumbus, AKA, the pigeon. I hate pigeons on so many levels but I mostly hate pigeons in or on my domicile. In? Yes in..but that's a story for a later time, this blog is about pigeons roosting on my and my neighbor’s window sills.

I live on the top floor of a small apartment building that is conjoined to a sister building next door which creates a sort of alley that the tenets share. For years this alley has been a haven for pigeons; with its eastern exposure it stays toasty warm in the winter and with the addition of window air conditioners in the summer the pigeons snuggle in quite contently building nests in the spaces between the bottoms of the units and the window sills. Nobody appeared to take issue with the birds for I being the tenant at the end of the alley I have a view of everybody’s windows from my couch and there seemed to be no deterrents erected to quell the constant sound of wings flapping and the endless maddening cooing!!! That is until I undertook project pigeon bye bye.

A few years ago Scooter (also a tenacious hatter of the cooing fowl) advised me to hang plastic bags from my window sills to deter the gray beasts from laying claim to my red brick oasis. I didn’t really think it would work but on Scooter's instructions I jammed my white grocery bags between the screens and the outside world then waited to see if there was any effect on the bastards. Moments later a squatter came swooping in at full speed yet when he caught a glimpse of the offending plastic bag bobbing in the wind he quickly turned vertical - like Luke escaping from the death star - and flew off to perch elsewhere. Wholly cow it worked…it really worked, and it never stopped working.

Sure the bags get grimy and gunky and they do look a bit dodgy but it’s better than pigeon poop and fluff all over my screens. However I still had the problem of my neighbors harboring the offensive interlopers, especially my neighbor whose window is positioned a mere 4” away from my living room. Ughhh every summer they would install their AC unit and every summer a family of diseased flying rats would roost, procreate….and cooooooo cooooooo cooooooo….. but not THIS Summer.

Yesterday morning I awoke to a sun drenched sky and with temperatures in the seventies I threw my windows open for the first time since closing them in November to discover not only did I have new neighbors across the alley but they had installed PLASTIC BAGS in their windows, all 3 of them, just like me!!!! I don’t know who these people are (they live in the building next door) but I want to hang a sign in my kitchen widow emblazoned in bold print “Welcome to the hood Pigeon Hater” ! or “Welcome to the hood. I see we have similar interests, if you are a single male we should really date or if you are that guy who sings karaoke followed by making sweet love….I can hear you.”