Friday, November 14, 2008

Open the pod bay doors HAL – DAMN IT!!!

I consider myself a sort of technology chick. Professionals in the field have gone as far as to award me the honorary title of “Tier One Support” yet this week technology has reversed my fortune (literally) and severed my communications. I HATE TECHNOLOGY (currently).

My first bone to pick is with my amazing new Bold (gracia Galleta, ma gusta). It wrapped me around its little finger with its full color display, fancy pants WiFi, and all kinda of bells and whistles I could have never imagined. Not only that, it’s kinda hot to have the NEW Blackberry, guys are dripping all over this thing. But after Bold had me firmly in his grips for a mere week he crashed… freaking crashed!!! Galleta of course forever my savior with all things electronic (and other things of course) swooped in to save my poor Bold. Side note – thank you St. Cajetan, Patron Saint of Job Seekers, for placing me in an office located across the street from Galleta. He promptly stripped it and returned it to me so fresh and so clean… for like 23 hours. Yep last night after an engaging round of Saduko on the 7 train Bold bit it. Once home in the “mouse den” Bold was gleaming up at me with his blank white face and the dreadful ‘app 523 Error”. After a feverish email exchange with my personal tech support manager, 3 hours scouring the BB support groups and postings, innumerable battery pulls, and an unfruitful IM session with AT&T I decided that I was breaking up with Bold. It was a tough decision but with a sigh and a heavy head I unpacked Bold’s box from my closet, filled it with all his belongings (charger, manuals, software, etc…). Like Beyonce said, “To the Left, to the left. Everything you own in the box to the left” – then I closed the lid and said goodnight to a past love for tomorrow held a trip to the AT&T store. But the play is not over, oh no not quite, for life never ends in the moonlit night. And despite what pretty poets say, the night is only half the day…..

This morning I arrived at Hydra to find an email from Galleta offering to give Bold one last opportunity to redeem himself. Oh that Galleta always the optimist, such is youth. By 9:15 am Galleta was in possession of the source of my heart ache and I was in possession of an egg and cheese sandwich…. now I wait.

At this point all appeared well, Bold was on his way to get bitch slapped for poor behavior and I was on my way to the ATM to grab some cash for the weekend. But the story is not ended and the play is never done until we’ve all of us been burned a bit and burnished by….. Insufficient Funds!!!! WTF!? How could this be? Just days ago I deposited a husky paycheck, and now I am at a deficit of a few hundred dollars?! Back at my computer I reviewed my account and discovered to my dismay that my check had been REJECTED. How does a paycheck get rejected? Well after a quick phone call to Chase I found out…. end of story I’m an idiot. You know those fancy new ATMs that no longer use envelops or deposit slips? You just pop your check in, the robot monkey inside reads all the info then all you do is press “Correct” and your money is deposited… you know that thing? Yeah well once again I was fucked by technology because it lulled me into its warm womb of submission and since I no longer needed to fill out any paper work I FORGOT to sign the back of my check. Yep I’ve been banking since the age of twelve, I’ve been a box office manager, I know how these things work….. and now because of new technology that was invented because idiots were bamboozled by the complexities of a 3 part deposit slip (do I keep the yellow or the pink?) I have to wait 5 – 7 business days for my paycheck to be returned to me. For the next few days I am, as they say, cash poor. I did schedule a transfer of funds from my savings but that takes 2 business days so with the weekend that gives me a full 4 days to rely on the kindness of strangers.

1 comment:

Susan said...

I'm not sure which part of this entry is funnier. The fact that people refer to you as any sort of a technology guru or that you kept quoting "The Fantasticks" throughout this post. Dork.

I stand by my statement that you're just waiting for your knight in shining armor to bring you the Blackberry Storm. This will make me cry real tears. I hope you know that.

I'm going back to my pageant show watching on MTV. WTF!!