Sunday, October 19, 2008

Don't Stop Believing

The excitement of my autumnal travel has waned and now I am stuck focusing on the daily drudgery of my life. I thought getting a full time job would solve all my anxiety issues, but I have merely placed a band aid on my gushing aorta. Don’t get me wrong I am ecstatic that I won’t loose my apartment and be forced into living in my Mom’s basement while waiting tables during the off season in Sag Harbor just to pay back my 40K loan – however on the other hand I hardly feel like I am “living” my life. I go through the paces, being the “monkey” at work, but standing in the copy room shredding documents for hours on end can really damage ones spirit.

My physical work environment is devoid of creativity, heart, personality, and especially color! Swason and Scooter have already visited “Hydra’s lair” and can attest to the depressing nature of the space. To combat the environmental tedium I have begun to decorate my stark white corner with pictures of my friends’ shiny faces. Throughout the day while forwarding hundreds of emails destined for others I glance over at my palls and remember that I am better than this and that there are people in this world that are rooting for me and will laugh with me about this “speed bump”.
So I’m here for the time being, it’s not the end of my journey just a baby step to pause the insanity. I keep telling myself (and others) that change will come, everything is for a reason, I’ll find my passion, and be truly settled one day…. It’s just not the time for that right now. Right now I am in survival mode which is so much better than disaster mode.

From [title of show] - "September Song"

“I like doing the show. It balances out my day job which is killing me softly.I wrote this song sitting at my desk today...I'd like to sing it...for you now...

Can't you see that I'm dying inside? Can't you see that I'm dying inside?If you shined a flashlight in my butt you'd see I'm dying inside!”

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