Yes I Would Love To Join You!

I’ve recently been inundated with a new social phenomenon, the “non invite, invite”. The non invite, invite is infiltrating my social circle’s modus operandi like a legion of phragmites headed towards the marshy flatlands of eastern Long Island (Too random a reference?). Like its predecessor the ever popular lack luster “Non RSVP” the Non Invite, Invite (or NII) has taken hold of the new millennium’s masses and I fear it is sticking.

I first noticed the NII a few years back when Scooter in his awesomely manipulating manner would ask, “Hey are you doing anything later?” I would answer, “No totally free. Wanna do something?” He would then respond, “Ummm not too sure. Give me a call later and I’ll let you know if I can.” WHAT THE FUCK!? Seriously, and he would get me every time. I let it slide cause… well…. it was Scooter and that was how we rolled. Now not only do I get this behavior from a multitude of close friends I’m also on the receiving end of NII from random acquaintances. What is going on? Why would anybody seek me out, extend an invitation, then when I am enthusiastically agreeable to their suggested socialization - drop me. Maybe I should be more like the NON RSVPers, and stay remote. Refuse not only to respond to the invitation but indeed not even acknowledge the receipt of said invitation. Those are the people when asked, “Did you get my invitation I sent last week to the dinner party I am hosting in 3 days?” respond with “Oh yeah I saw that email in my inbox, I just haven’t opened it yet”. Really, my invitation didn’t even rate the sudden double twitch of your pointer finger? Be-Je-Bus Christ! The good thing is that I have weeded most Non RSVPers out of my life, F You controlling bastards; Gail does not wait on you. However the NII is secretive, you never know when the NII will strike or who will hand it out, therefore making it much less easily preemptively eradicated.

Case in point just yesterday I was on the receiving end of a NII from a perspective suitor from OK Cupid. After exchanging a litany of drunken flirtatious emails on Wednesday evening (side note under “things I learned this summer” - my drunken flirting yields high results) he asked, “Do you want to meet for a drink or something this weekend?” I replied agreeably and gave him my gmail address so we could continue our communication removed from the OKCupid conduit. Next is an excerpt from our exchange yesterday:

He: “Hi still up for going out this weekend?”
Me: “Great! Tomorrow or Sunday would be perfect, Saturday not so free”
He: “I guess tomorrow is Ok. Any part of town?”
Me: “In Manhattan any place between Canal and the 70’s is fine. And I’m free after 5pm”
He: “How about Union Square or NoHo?”
Me: PERFECT! I know both neighborhoods really well.

SILENCE……………

Yep for the next 5.5 hours there was no communication. WTF? By 10:30pm last night I hadn’t heard anything and was totally unsure if we were still on for tonight. Now I’m not being all Type A or wacko, I just need to know if (1) was he the one guy killed in the NYC tornado and (2) do I need to dress for a date (and pack makeup, hair goop, and heels) when I leave my apartment at 8:45 am or will I be returning back to Queens after work to change cause the “date” isn’t till 9pm? Ughhhh so annoying and controlling to leave me hanging therefore I had to be that chick and email him, “Hi, wanted to know if there is a time that we are meeting up tomorrow?” he responded, “Oh I guess after work sometime, my schedule is totally open. I’ll text you sometime tomorrow”. And again, WHAT THE FUCK!!?? If your schedule is totally open and you are asking me out then TELL ME WHEN AND WHERE!!!! Am I supposed to show up at work today with 3 sets of clothes, and shoes, and bags patiently awaiting your text with baited breath in hopes that SOMETHING may be appropriate for this mystery date?

So long story longer - feeling totally apathetic to tonight’s date I tossed on some random clothes this morning and awaited the buzz of my silenced blackberry. At 3pm I got the info and of course the dude went rogue and picked a place a little more posh than I had expected, oh well hopefully it will be dark and I’ll be drunk quickly.