Thursday, September 9, 2010

BUI continued - Pieces of Me

The ESL receptionists at my GP’s office were very sweet to recommend a multi-lingual dermatologist in Jackson Heights located under the elevated tracks of the 7 train however I work on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, the home of the most dermatologists per capita, so I went rogue.

Dr. Good Skin’s office located between Park and Lex in the East 60’s looked like a movie set, all white and modern with model perfect girls in body flattering light blue
scrubs and dewy skin. I’ve never been to a dermatologist but I am certain that this practice was way better than ANY previously recommended Jackson Heights under the subway tracks establishment, even if they did served fried chicken in the back room.

After a quickie once over by the nurse followed by
a conversation regarding my fainting tendencies the doctor examined the nugget baby growing in my hairline. Baby nugget has been thriving in its parasitic livelihood for over a decade now and has grown from a small pea to the size of a large grape. It’s unnoticeable to all except me, and a guy this summer who during a moment of intimacy began to run his hand adoringly through my silky raven hair, then abruptly froze, widened his eyes and slowly said, “What is that?”… game over, nugget OUT!

However Dr. Good Skin had a different plan, nugget baby could wait. We scheduled the abortion for Dec. just in case he needs to shave my head - cause there is NO WAY I am gonna turn 40 in Nov. without ¼ of my hair, then Dr. Good Skin turned his discerning eye to a black mole located on my left wrist and in seconds flat he prepped me for minor surgery.

Ok so maybe it’s a glorified cheese slicer operation and not really minor surgery however whatever you want to call it I’ll tell you what I call it “Faint Inducing Medical Behavior” – yep I went down. I was kinda OK while Doc did the slicing, it was the “Hey G, take a look at this” when he was done that took me out. Ears rang, toes tingled, and cold sweat magically popped up along my top lip. The nurse got me flat out and popped open a cold can of coke while she and the Doc discussed how in hell they were gonna perform the extrication in December without one of them driving me home and tucking me into bed.

I exited the office with a bandage on my wrist and instructions for daily cleansing and redressing. Of course yesterday morning when I was instructed to “remove the bandage in the shower and wash with warm soapy water” I discovered that my apartment needed cleaning, the dishwasher needed emptying, sheets and towels needed changing, really EVERYTHING had to be done before I took a shower and readied for work. Finally after 45 minutes of puttering I stepped into the shower and with my eyes firmly closed I gently peeled back the dressing and washed my wrist. Blind drying and re-bandaging was a trick but I got it done without vomiting or passing out – now I all I have to do is get through the next 8 days of recovery and maybe within 2 weeks I’ll look at my left hand again(or maybe not).

FYI - NEVER goggle image search "Cyst on scalp"

1 comment:

Yoga Girl said...

I almost passed out reading this