Monday, November 9, 2009

Done and Done!

After one month on the free dating site, OKCupid, I have collected no less than 15 offers of various forms of intimate encounters with boys under the age of 24, about 8 of the same invitation from the thirty something set, and let’s not forget the 55+ troop pulling up the rear (excuse the term) coming in a close second with 6 offers. Wow Cupid, really…really? However I did receive one email response from a seemingly clever guy who was so witty and clever with his electronic communications that I agreed to meet him for a drink.

Enjoy the following story for it will be the LAST of my internet dating saga:

About 2 weeks ago after receiving a very humorous response to my OKCupid posting I willingly handed over my gtalk info (for those of you who were lost at ‘posting’ just ask somebody under the age of 35 to explain). For the next few days I was bombarded with inane IM’s, the more he typed the less I was intrigued. I warned him of his quick descent into the ‘uggghhh not this guy pile’ but he took no heed. After a few days of random banter he asked to meet for dinner, I countered with ‘drinks’, he agreed to my counter offer but added the caveat of a Saturday night date. Who makes a first BLIND date for a Saturday night? Not only did he insist on a Saturday night but it was Halloween and he wanted me to travel to Brooklyn – from Queens! That is just crazy man talk. I ended up canceling on him 3 days before the appointed date (thanks Rubin for the cover) and he went into a tail spin – FREAK SHOW. Unfortunately after his meltdown I knew the only way to shake this zealous G Fan was to actually commit to a face to face. Don’t get me wrong, I love being the target of undying infatuation but not from complete strangers – that’s just intrusively obsessive and icky.

For the ‘make up date’ he again demanded that we meet on a Saturday night but at least I was able to negotiate down to a Manhattan location, thank goodness. I arrived at the bar seconds after our appointed time and there he was all a flutter with nervous excitement standing awaiting my entrance. As I approached him it was hard to get a lock down on my man scanner since the entire establishment was sparsely lit by only 5 strategically placed votives. However as I grew closer and his shadowy figure began to appear through the dark amber glow I could plainly see that he was sporting a BLACK KNEE LENGTH LEATHER BLAZER. Time out, date over.

I don’t really think I even need to describe the remaining 2 hours (yes I was basically kidnapped) of this date; just the fact that he was wearing a leather coat that was purchased in 1983 when he was at least 45 pounds slimmer is enough to set the tone. You want more? Sure how about his buttons holding on for dear life as his shirt strained and gapped around his girth, or the gushing perspiration and the long stringy hair? Or the combined action of swiping the flowing streams of sweat off his forehead while fingering it through his hair as if he was applying ‘product’. Yes friends this was my LAST internet date. The humor is over, I was a good sport, I stayed positive, I fought the good fight but I just can’t submit to this humiliation anymore. DONE!

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