Thursday, September 12, 2013

Dating Should Feel Easy...

…like a monkey driving a speedboat.

WHY is it so difficult? No don’t answer that, I know why it is so difficult because I cannot control the universe or foretell what my future will be and THAT is what eats at my brain. Truly if I knew for a fact that I would be dateless for 1 month, 1 year, 10 years but THEN I would be with an amazing gent who knocked my sox off THEN I could just exhale sit back and let the waves of the world wash over me until the moment that I rein victorious in my endless search. But NO that is not how the world works, there is no pre-set plan, I have to make my own plan and good gosh damn it – I just wanna shake somebody!

Ladle into that barrel of monkeys that you call a head and scoop out and image monkey.

Oh image monkey bring him to me. Use your wise monkey magic that churns beneath your mini fez to reveal the time that I can STOP trolling the internets in search of my guy.

Now let that image monkey drive a speedboat and you…. you water-ski behind it!

Yes, I’m there monkey, drive faster. Tow me to a place where my weary head and heart can find peace and adventure – yes adventure is peaceful when you are a restless soul as me. I CRAVE movement and change and travel and action – and there lies my next problem - it’s the energy. If I was a lame toad on a log I would be very content in a plodding life but I am not SIR!

Side note – I think I want – no – need a grilled cheese. Yes a grilled cheese will fix this and well maybe some sliced tomato. MONKEY?! I’m taking my pants off and lighting the torches.  Bring me the toasted melted cheese sandwich, posthaste!


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