Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Send in the Marines!

This Friday I’m taking advantage of my gratis personal day (awarded by Hydra in exchange for a holiday party) to join Mom in Montauk for a day of soothing spa treatments at Gurney’s Inn. I have signed up for the Marine Cure which I am hoping will include some hunky men in uniform assertively manipulating my body while slathering me in enriching oils. Well it is the MARINE cure….right? Most likely however I will get a middle aged Eastern European woman with sausage fingers and a penchant for the sadistic. Ehhh either way I am sure to come out on the other side supple and properly serviced.
My first foray into spa culture was several years ago in preparation for Scooters wedding. As a member of the groom’s party I was to wear a dress that showed more skin than I was commonly used to so to do the best with what I had I decided to get a full body scrub and herbal wrap. Yep… I was a bit freaked out about the whole thing. Like what do I do, what do I say, what do I wear, what don’t I wear, how do I prep…do I even prep? What are the protocols for such things? To quell my worries I went directly to my source of all things girly, Lulu. Lulu filled me in on the process, what would be expected from me (nothing), what to remove (everything) and what to put on (a supplied paper cocktail napkin held in place by 2 lengths of dental floss). Ahhh such a relief, I guess. Now all I needed to do was psyche myself into getting naked in front of a stranger and not be a total neurotic mess.

The day came and….yep total neurotic mess. I thought if I just ran my mouth through the whole 90 min. treatment then maybe it would seem totally natural to have this young fresh faced 20 something gently caressing and oiling up all my nooks and crannies….yeah that worked well. I think she was more uncomfortable than me. I know this from the nervous laughter and the comment, “Ummm usually people don’t talk so much when they are here”.
My jabbering did cease and rather abruptly when while positioned on my back being exfoliated by natural sea salts and other grit like materials my “girl” asked, “Do you want me to do your chest?” And as I laid there in the warm darkness with the sounds of Aboriginal rain stick gently tinkling through my ears and the smell of jasmine dancing in my nose I thought, “Does she mean my CHEST….or my Breasts?” But after just a brief moment of internal reflection I realized “Yes” would be the only answer to give cause really, either way, that’s a win win. So “Yes” it was, and for the remainder of the 90 minutes not a word was spoken. Oh and my breasts looked fantastic!

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