Ring – A – Ding – Ding

The drones at Hydra have discovered a way to drive me insane. I do have to hand it to them though; I truly did not think they had the focus, humor, or level of secrecy to pull it off.

We have a doorbell outside the office door with signage that reads, “Do not ring bell” which is due to the fact that the door is always unlocked. A few weeks ago the old piece of label maker tape finally fell off the bell so I replaced it. And replaced it, and replaced it and replaced it. Every day for 3 days in a row shortly after posting my signage and returning to my little corner….!!!!DING!!!! The sound would echo through the office and at once I knew my little white label had gone missing once more. I assumed it was the poor quality adhesive found on my no name brand label so the next day I used funtac and to my surprise within a few hours the label was gone but the funtac remained….hmmmmm??? Next came the glue stick….!!!DING!!!. Then Elmer’s’ glue and a paper sign….!!!DING!!!. Yesterday I had enough of the shenanigans and I printed a sign that covered the entire bell and cover plate that read, “DO NOT RING BELL Please do not remove this sign” and I affixed it with double stick tape. Ahhhhhh at last a day of no bells.

This morning when I arrived at 8:25 AM my sign still hung prominently and proudly next to the office door thwarting all hands itching to get their digits on the button. I was beaming with pride that I had finally conquered the sign thief with a combination of wordage and adhesives…..!!!DING!!! WTF!!??? Are you kidding me? At 9:55 am the dreaded sound returned. I flew to the door only to find the bell coldly exposed with a goopy outline of double stick tape around the edges of the stainless steel plate.

I confronted the drones but none of them fessesed up to the evil plot against my sanity. I have checked the trashcans in both the office and the bathrooms and there is no record of my signs, this is truly a mastermind who is not only stealing my signs but collecting them. I have some prime suspects, mostly the slumber party yahoo sisters, but as one employee pointed out, “Nah they are too lazy to do anything. I mean they would think about doing it, and talk about doing it, but to actually get up and do it, they would lose interest”. After listening to this reasoning I was convinced that I had focused my attention on the wrong party.

The investigation will continue this afternoon as I cross check personality profiles with the attendance log to ascertain who arrived between 8:25 and 9:55. In addition I am devising a trap that will include glitter, double stick tape, and an old manila folder. I can not divulge anymore information for fear that I may compromise my plan.