Mondays at 5:30pm, I DOMINATE YOU!

It has taken 3.5 months but I have finally reached the pinnacle of super success in my YMCA Mondays at 5:30pm “High Low Step Class”. This past Monday I owned that step routine, so much so that I even placed a RISER under my platform. Yes – the woman with the long and tumultuous relationship with stairs actually RAISED her step and did not as much as waiver when the pull of gravity reared its unforgiving powers of persuasion. Also I actually remembered to take a shot off my inhaler BEFORE class (allergy induced asthma), which apparently really ups my game. Who knew that full lung capacity could make such a huge difference in stamina?*So there I was, pole position, owning the front of class, smirking on the inside as two uber skinny ladies turned crimson and sulked off into the corners. I know rejoicing in the pain of others is not very nice (yet it is very German – see schadenfreude), but besides being able to breathe the one other thing that surprisingly keeps my feet a- movin’ is being better than somebody – no matter how old or feeble. I RULE YOU!

Of course in hindsight I should have seen it coming … I mean really, can’t a chunkster grab a break? During stretch my Monday instructor sadly announced that our small clan of High Low Steppers was being disbanded in two weeks time to make room for ANOTHER Zumba class… what the what???!!! Damn you trendy Latin Queens YMCA members and your insatiable desire to pop and lock. Now I’m going back to the bottom of the pack, AND in a class that requires coordination and grace…ughhhh.

Feeling dejected I feverishly texted Swason bemoaning my grievance towards this Zumba ridiculousness. Swason who is the original competitor (backstroke dominator) informed me at once that I would NOT be at the back of the Zumba pack for it is not the High Low Step Class that I dominate, but the TIME SLOT that is my bitch. Therefore according to Swason (a well seasoned teller of truths) no matter what class is scheduled for Mondays at 5:30pm I will RULE that room.

Carpe Zumba!