Monday, July 19, 2010

Getting a Foot in the Door

This past Friday morning I was greeted with a really normal funny email in my OkCupid mailbox. The guy was charming and clever and his profile (though lacking a proper sized photo) was lush with details and well written – BONUS! We exchanged 2 rounds of witty emails then began IMing.

After a few IM exchanges Mr. Friday lobbed over an unexpected invitation, “What are you doing at 2:30 today? Want to meet me and my friends for a movie at the Ziegfeld?” My knee jerk response was “No Way I don’t know you” but then as the gears turned in my head I thought WTF, just go the movies. This is what the summer is for, meeting a stranger for an afternoon flick, calm the F down and just GO! But before I could accept this blind matinee invitation he addended his offer with “We can hold hands and kiss in the dark” – OH GOOD LORD! Now you are on the creepy side of the Mr. Milk Toast to Robert Chambers continuum. Great. I ignored the quip, hoping that he too realized the oddness of the request after sending it out into the www and was embarrassed by his misplaced prepubescent blurt. I instead inquired about the feature presentation BUT he responded with, “Ok, we could just meet after the movie.” Hmmm, I didn’t remember saying no to the movie, I guess we are moving on.

I agreed to meet Mr. Friday after the movie but because of my very popular Friday night schedule (Fresh Direct order arriving at 8pm) I could only meet for a few drinks. He suggested going for a cup of tea then holding hands and kissing on my couch. Really? What is it with this holding hands and kissing? And on MY couch, who the F are you? I attempted to stay on the humorous side of the request by assuming that he too was ummmm… just kidding (as the kids say). But my “easy killer, let’s keep my couch out of this” reply butted up against his response suggesting that I was uptight and prudish… oh no you didn’t. The gauntlet was thrown.

To keep this guy out of my apartment but show him that I was “up for fun” I suggested two establishments located in LIC where we could either get a drink or a cup of tea (insert eye roll) followed by a stroll along The East River and snogging to our heart’s content. He was nonplussed at my suggestions and stated that he would call me later to discuss the evening’s details.

Not feeling all that confident with this pushy lothario I turned to my dating guru Lola. I shot her an email outlining the pertinent facts then asked if I should “Calm the F down or shut this guy down?” Lola responded with, “Meet Him! If he's creeptastic, shut it down, If he's super cute and funny and the rest -- do it”. Yes of course that is what I should do, I’m freaking 39 years old and it’s the summer, why am I getting all wacko?

About an hour later my phone rang, it was Mr. Friday. He sounded charming, he liked my voice, we exchanged pleasantries then he asked, “So what are we doing tonight?” I repeated my proposal of public establishment followed by “we’ll see”, Mr. Friday was not happy with that arrangement at all. He repeated several times that he wasn’t looking to have sex but he was not a guy who sits in bars or clubs or kisses in public, he would rather sit on my couch, watch TV, hold hands, and makeout. Ok people fess up WHO told this guy about my new 32” TV and my most amazing red couch? I laughed him off, still trying to stay light and humorous explaining that we didn’t know each other so why not just agree to meet up for “a cup of tea” (don’t know if this guy had a tea or a couch fetish) THEN after that see what happens. He pushed back explaining that he was “type A” and needed to know the entire plan for the evening and that he would not agree to meet me unless I promised that after one drink we would be snuggled up in my apartment (of course no sex). I kept hearing my guru’s voice in my head, just do it, don’t be so uptight, have some fun. So with a carefree sigh I agreed and asked where and when we were meeting. Mr. Friday only could give me time, 6:30pm and he would text me later with location. Ughhh…

The envelop of down time between 3 – 5 pm afforded me the opportunity of clarity of thought. I ran analogies through my pea brain such as; If I had a pile of $200,000 in small bills and placed it on a table in front of a stranger then asked them to guard it until I returned, would I trust them? No way! But I am going to blindly trust this Mr. Friday with my life? Is my life worth less than $200,000? If I open the door to this man I am basically saying, “Hi welcome to my home, please don’t kill, rape or mutilate me, OK? I am putting all my trust in you, for no other reason than the fact you had perfect grammar in your OkCupid email.” And this whole kissing thing, good lord, just post an “Intimate Connections” add on Craig’s list, I am sure there is some fetishist that would be totally into this, however this is NOT a date. There are a number of men I would love to canoodle on my couch in the coolness of my AC on a Friday night, men that I KNOW, why would I invite a stranger over to hold my hand and neck?

Long story longer he texted me at 6:10 (nice since we were supposed to meet at 6:30) asking, “What’s the plan?” I replied, “I thought we were meeting for a drink and btw my apt. is off the menu.” He quickly retorted, “Sounds like our intentions are different. Good Night”.

Two hours later Swason and I were tossing back beers and eating a smorgasbord of finger foods with me on my couch and her curled up in my big chair, watching my huge new TV in the sub zero temps of my kick butt air conditioners, it could not have been a better Friday night.

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