Grab Bag of Crazy

I’m sitting at my desk on this Monday morning, facing the new week with trepidation, anxiety and a bit of – REALLY WHAT THE F!?

I made the good/ bad decision to accept two dates this week. One is definite the other a bit more, loosey goosey. Neither of these guys is ‘relationship’ material however I think I deserve a free beverage and a bit of not so innocent flirting after the crap last week tossed me.  Good idea? Not too sure. Hopefully I can summon all my acting skills to restrain the rush of emotional crazy long enough to get through a few hours of devil make care happy attitude while my insides rot secretly deep down below.

Update on the Head Shrinker: I connected with the physician that was recommended by Dr. Pico and I have an appointment with her Thursday. We are going to see if we are a good fit then take it from there.

Other health notes – last week I got a new tooth (fancy), saw an allergist who confirmed my Oral Allergy Syndrome and proclaimed, “Wow you are in excellent condition” after timing my pulse/ blood pressure and testing my blood oxygen levels /  lung capacity , got a blood test (didn’t faint), and found out that my updated higher dosage of Synthroid is finally working. I know I shouldn’t self-diagnose BUT I think that the ever increasing amount of Synthroid (synthetic hormone taken to replace the hormone my thyroid doesn’t produce) is screwing up my mood. Since the thyroid regulates mood and I have never struggled with emotional issues before taking Synthroid AND my dosage keeps increasing as my body fights the influx…. Hmmmm I’m just saying.

Forward Movement

I made it through the week mostly due to the love and compassion of all the amazing friends in my life. People complain that virtual networking tools are intrusive and lead to social isolation but I certainly would have emotionally imploded if not for the power of Facebook to share my crazy with the world and in turn receive notes of encouragement and extremely helpful advice.

I special shout out to Swason who has supported the mother load of my dissolving psyche with the patience and restraint of a saint. She is Catholic so it is par for the course and she told me that while she is dealing with my mental meltdown she is earning extra bonus “good” points to make up for her transgressions. Ehhh I’ll still buy her a case of wine, as a Jew I’m not too sure about that point system.

My therapist search is still ongoing, however I feel that I am on a fast track after engaging the assistance of my most favorite REAL health professional, Dr. Pico. Yet again thanks goes to Swason who with a clearer head than mine suggested that I ask one of my current physicians for help after 11 of my calls to perspective therapists went unreturned and she was bombarded with a Gtalk window chock full of my anxiety ridden babble. I’m certain Swason is rethinking that decision years ago to teach me about IMing – it must be difficult for her to enter payroll for a Broadway company while solving my life issues, I don’t know how she does it.

 

I know that the chunk of crap that went down on Monday will fade over time, dissolve organically and just fly away, however it’s the other gray, the gray that’s taken up residence for the past 10 months that really must be evicted. With Dr. Pico on my side and his excellent recommendations (I called one yesterday, I am waiting for her response) I feel a huge amount of relief that I don’t have to fix everything alone, that I have people that are better equipped than I and they are happy to share the load.

Off With Her Head!

I love living alone; I could never imagine cohabitating with anything more animate than my dear dust bunnies. Though I enjoy my luxuriously solitary lifestyle 99% of the time, it’s the odd 1% that sends me into a tizzy (see EEEEEEK a Mouse). My recent tumble into the dark abyss of endless tragedy was not the result of some illegal squatter, furry or feathered, but due to the fear that within the overnight hours my body would die in my bed, alone and cold.

FINE so I didn’t die, but who knows, I could have? Like the time I was certain I had shattered my knee cap and was alone, trapped in my apartment with no possible way of escaping the imminent doom of certain death. Who would ever know? How long would it take somebody to find my cold bloated body? Yes in retrospect maybe I shouldn’t have fallen asleep with an ice pack resting on my bruised knee thereby freezing the entire workings so when I awoke I was completely paralyzed, albeit temporarily. Hey I’m not an orthopedist; I’m a chick, alone…. dying in my one bedroom apartment, who knew the ice would FREEZE my knee.

Anyways, the other night after visiting my chiropractor Dr. Pico (yummm Dr. Pico) AND going to the gym I returned home to discover an odd kinda pressure behind my left ear. The low grade pain started slowly then spread into my jaw and left sinus. By the time the pressure spread to my teeth I thought I should do something, so being a woman of the new millennium I logged onto Facebook. Right? I mean how is that NOT the proper course of action when you think you are on the cusp of a grand mal seizure? Fortunately an old friend was online, fine he’s not a medical professional, but he is a Production Manager or TD or something …really does it matter, the guy knows how to fix things. He read my symptoms over the IM and quickly typed “You are NOT having a stroke, you probably have a pinched nerve” – whatever, what kind of help is he? He obviously didn’t understand that I was birthing an aneurysm through my head nugget hole. I asserted that I was truly on death’s door however my typing had become somewhat erratic since my vision out of my right eye had turned into a sunspot. That wasn’t good. So with no other option than to just embrace the end of my poor sad lonely life I signed off Facebook, crawled into bed, and awaited the cloaked hand of death.

Long story longer, the next morning I woke up. I still felt “odd” so after work I ditched the gym and returned to Dr. Pico. Once in the exam room Dr. Pico placed his powerful bear paws around my neck and sarcastically said, “Oh this is good” - hey buddy drop the snark, ok? Then an echoing crrraaaack, followed by Dr. Pico's diagnosis, “You knocked your head off!”. What the what? Yep it turned out I knocked my skull off to the side so I was pinching like everything on the left side of my neck. Turns out I was totally NOT dying….but I could have been, that’s all I’m saying.