Not So Really Real

In the past I sang Swason’s praises for her fierce grasp of reality and her unwavering commitment to telling me the truth, however that woman is a black and white cookie of cerebral dichotomy because she is also the BESTEST pal for engaging in, and collaborating with, my super reality or as some may call it – fantasy world. 

Our adjusted realities stem from the fact that we both still harbor a bit of our 12 year old pink sparkly sticker collecting/ friendship bracelet making girl just under our savvy city lady outer shell (sorry Swason if I am writing out of turn, however I believe you will agree with me here) and when we unite in a dork-fest fueled with wine (or not) we quickly break through our jaded all-knowing logical crust and delight in our combined powers of modified universe creation

Swason is currently indulging my revised reality that I’m only one call away from Lufthansa ‘s reservations desk to becoming a trophy wife of an international banker stationed in Zurich. There I am sipping red wine and feasting on exotic cheeses while peacefully lounging on the deck of my Alpine chalet as I spend my lazy days transferring my harmonica virtuosity for that of the alpenhorn. I won’t share Swason’s ‘reality’ with my readers but suffice to say that not only do I need to purchase a parka for my mountain top hideaway, Swason has informed me to start shopping for cowboy boots because her Texan wedding is gonna ROCK it! 

The Truth Is…

During my 45 minutes with Dr. Head this week… back up a moment, 45 minutes really?  In 45 minutes I can only get through like 1.5 stories then I have no time for feedback, ughh. I really must learn to edit my entraining narratives if I expect to get anything out of this process.  Ya know what, therapy for dull story tellers must be extremely cost effective. Anyways back to my appointment. I spent a good chunk of my time unraveling the specifics regarding my past 12 months of upheaval including my TWO lady cancer scares and my multiple leg operations. After I rattled off the various emotionally offending situations I wrapped it all up with, “I guess it was just a bunch of little things that came together to create this perfect storm.” To which Dr. Head said, “OR it could be that you experienced a massive amount of VERY big things that all happened in a short amount of time?”  Literally I think I heard a bell ring when she said it. I felt like - FUCK YEAH, this past 12 months HAS  been a total BITCH and of course I am overwhelmed and falling apart.  I may only give the doctor 30 seconds to get a word in while I reach for a tissue but when she does that woman is speaking the truth, and the best part is she is totally on my side.

Mr. Woods and I are staying in touch, as promised, while he keeps the World Bank afloat overseas (or whatever it is he does). We have a light email exchange going on and it feels a little like old timey courting. He’s still sweet with just the right amount of sauce and it’s perfect for what I need at this moment. I’ll admit that I smile when Mr. Woods’ emails appear in my inbox and I blush when crafting my replies.  Yeah... I'm crushing on Mr. Woods.

Je t'aime Paris

Mr. Woods headed off to Zurich for a month long business trip before we could enjoy a “triple play” on our dating score board. Oh Mr. Woods, so international, glad he is keeping the 1% solvent since my paycheck depends on their financial triumphs. However even though we didn’t get face time prior to wheels up we did make plans… hold on – what?! Ok well tentative plans. There are plans to continue our dating upon his return AND plans to stay in touch over the next thirty days. Fingers crossed by “stay in touch” he actually meant “I’m going to fly you to Paris for a long weekend”. I mean, cause really, that IS what he meant. What could top PARIS as a third date venue, the man would be crazy NOT to fly me out.

I finally told Dr. Head about The Invisible Man and as I spoke I saw her eye balls turn into dollar signs and I believe I heard an audible whisper of “ka-CHING!” I’m sure she had been thinking, “sigh…. Middle aged body issues, family issues, dead father… yawn” then I hit her with The Invisible Man assault and she was locked and loaded. Yeah Dr. Head, you didn’t see that coming, I was saving the meaty juicy shit – now let’s DO THIS!