I mean, for reals, I look in the mirror and I’m all “Who is this
person”? The update on the weight loss/ screw you Hashimoto's I’m doing the work
around on you – is that since mid January I’ve dropped 37 pounds – wholly WHAT!?
There has been some tweaking of my prescription after Hashimoto kicked it up a
notch. You know sometimes a body that’s been broken for 40 years just does not
take kindly to changing its ways, but as of last week my blood work was super
fine. I’ve gone from looking into the mirror at the gym and thinking, hmmmmm I’m
not this round in REAL life to staring in wonder at my square shoulders and
shrinking waist and thinking…. Actually not thinking, it’s a total brain fuck.
None
of my clothes fit, they are all about 3 sizes too big. I know that may seem really cool to most of
you BUT I have a HUGE wardrobe with tons of really nice things and nothing to
wear. Work trousers that I wore just 9 months ago that fit so close to my hips
I sewed the pockets shut so they wouldn’t bulge fell OFF last week when I tried
them on. I ended up emptying my closet of all pants/ jeans/ skirts and dresses
that were purchased any time prior to July. My bras are pathetic, well actually
my bras are outstanding, my boobs are underwhelming, and good lord my ass! What happened back there? I’ve bought a few new bras and 2 new pairs of
paints, but it is kinda stressing me out thinking about the expense of a whole
new wardrobe. What I need now is a Sugar Daddy to support my shopping spree.
I
still have not felt any physical changes; it’s all psychological and emotional.
I am really pissed off at every doctor over the previous 39 years of my life
who decided instead of diagnosing a genetic autoimmune disorder to guilt me,
instill poor body image and lecture me about my dooming obesity and pre - “whatever”
condition they decided to fling at me as a medical scare tactic. FYI – there is
no such thing as a PRE illness, either you are ill or you or not. I can’t TELL
you how many times my old GP told me, “You are PRE diabetic” until one day I
asked, “How bad is my sugar level?” her answer, “It’s fine, in the normal range
BUT at your weight you are pre-diabetic” THAT MAKES NO SENSE! I guess I could
be pre- anything, I’m a woman who grew up on Long Island and lots of women from
LI have breast cancer so go ahead, diagnose me with pre-breast cancer, no not that I
HAVE cancer but…. you know it’s all the same.
My other ‘thing’ that just recently has been screwing
with my head is being called…. Beautiful. Like really sincerely labeled
beautiful. The other day a friend flung that word at me, out of the blue,
totally random with no pretext and I cried (I’m welling up just typing this). It’s
so F’ed up cause I can be called a fat piece of shit and walk away with my head
held high with sass, but beautiful, it broke me down.
I saw Swason the other
day and she was shocked at my appearance, and I have to admit, so am I. She
left for tour and made me promise to stop shrinking, I will try. Also another friend
informed me that I can really ONLY hold onto my fat girl kick ass personality
for 2 more dress sizes then it’s Bye Bye raucous funny girl and hello vapid
introverted boring chick, that’s just the rules… crap!
